When both children want to go first or can't agree: take out a coin. One child calls it in the air. Winner picks first. Loser picks next time, and you say that part out loud so it registers. The coin externalizes the decision to a neutral object. Neither child lost to the other; they lost to chance. This distinction dramatically reduces resentment compared to a parental ruling.
What you need
- One coin
How to do it
- 1"Pull out a coin. One neutral object, no one to blame."
- 2Ask one of them to call it in the air.
- 3Flip. Reveal. Winner picks first. The coin decided, not you.
- 4Say out loud: next time, the other one picks first. Both should hear it.
Variations
- Korb-Tür: If a child refuses to call the flip, you call it yourself: "I'm calling heads. You both just watch." Most children then want to be the caller.
- Ausstieg: After the flip and the first pick is made, put the coin away immediately with one loud statement: "Coin's done. [Winner] goes first. Let's go." The finality of putting it away prevents renegotiation.
💡 Parent tip
Keep a coin accessible wherever sibling arguments most often happen. The coin only works if it appears immediately. Searching for it while they're arguing closes the window.
What your child develops
- External decision authority — a child who loses to a coin has no one to resent
- Reciprocity framing — stating 'next time' out loud turns a loss into a deferred win rather than a defeat
- Dispute finalization — the coin ends the argument without the parent adjudicating or taking a side
Safety notes
- Coins are a choking hazard for children under 3.
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