Before anyone explains anything, each child names one feeling. One word is enough: angry, embarrassed, sad, frustrated. No explanations yet, no facts, no account of who did what. Named feelings carry less charge than unfelt ones, and once each child's emotion is acknowledged, the explanation can happen without the same heat.
How to do it
- 1"Stop the conflict. Before anyone explains: one feeling each. What are you feeling right now?"
- 2Each child names one feeling. No explanations yet.
- 3Receive each one: angry, sad, I hear that.
Variations
- Korb-Tür: If a child explains instead of naming a feeling, interrupt gently: "I know. But what are you feeling?" Redirect to emotion only.
- Ausstieg: After both have named their feelings, move to explanation: "Now tell me what happened." But don't litigate it. Just listen, then move on or redirect.
💡 Parent tip
Don't ask 'why do you feel that way?' yet. Just receive the label. The explanation of why comes later and goes better after the feeling has been acknowledged.
What your child develops
- Emotional labelling — naming a feeling reduces its intensity through the brain's labelling pathway
- Turn-taking — structured feelings-first gives each child guaranteed airtime before explanation
- Emotional vocabulary — regular practice of naming feelings in moments of conflict builds the vocabulary used later in self-regulation
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